There’s something hypnotic and perverse about watching chocolate bunnies meeting their liquid demise. I never liked eating them anyway, so this is a much better use for them in my book.
It’s Sunday. It’s the “day of the Lawrd,” as my 2nd grade (very Irish) teacher-nun would say. (Catholic school’s fun, guys. You should try it.) Anyway, I’ve been trying to get work done for most of the day. I need to finish JFK’s A Nation of Immigrants, write an essay for a Creative Writing course, and compose an essay for my Japanese class. (College is fun, guys. You should try it.) But this soccer game’s been just… so… exciting. That, and I’m kind of a lazy fuck.
To paint a better picture, at this moment Real Madrid’s up 3-2 against Levante. 64th minute. Arouna Koné just pulled one back for the visitors, right after Cristiano Ronaldo capped off a hat trick with (wait for it) a tomahawk of a homing laser strike that descended with the velocity of a blazing meteor and left a poleaxed ‘keeper lying on his back to petition the heavens for mercy! Did you like that? I’m submitting this post for the Most Outrageous Hyperbole in Sports Writing Award.
[ed: As I was writing that stuff above, Karim Benzema bent a gorgeous ball into the goal. 4-2. Hooray!]
(Translation: I’m a lazy fuck who likes soccer and is minoring in Creative Writing.)
Still not getting any work done. So…
Boredom Picture Time!!!:
I don’t like wearing hats. But it gets cold in NYC, so I gave in. This is one hat I own. I normally don’t wear it. But…
… hey! It’s reversible! And purple!
This hat, I like. It just has the best fit, so it’s the one seeing the light of day the most often.
It’s not reversible, though. Sad face.
Jesus — This one’s just fuckin’ ridiculous. It belongs on a man who’s 2x bigger and who’s served 2x more prison sentences than me.
Plus, it’s not even reversible. Bull…shit.
But I keep it around ‘cuz it can do this.
Thank you for reading, Person. And I’m sorry if you were looking for porn.