Just four 25 year-old dudes killing it right now

Revamp our video games.

I think that today’s sports video games lack the authenticity of the real professional game. Therefore, I suggest that sports video games should really capture the realism of the professional athletic life. So no more making a custom player that looks like you and maxing out all of his stats in order to be a “big money baller” every single game. It’s time to revamp our sports games for the future!

Here’s a few suggestions for some of the most popular franchises:

Baseball
To give the game a more realistic player experience, the overall course of a career could be influenced by the simple characteristics of a custom player. If a player is from Japan, he would have an upper middle class childhood, work his way from high school to pro-ball, then land straight into the Major Leagues with his very own interpreter. Dominican players will grow up poverty-stricken using a dried wad of chewing gum as a ball, scrape a meager existence as a local professional, and will be dropped into the US Minor Leagues barely speaking English.
A new feature, once a player is in the Majors he gets to play fun new minigames like “Quick Prick”, where gamers get to interactively inject all of the performance enhancing drugs missing from virtual baseball. Watch out for “DL… Like Hell!”, a reflex challenge where your player has to avoid all of the stupid injuries that land real players on the real disabled list. Don’t sprain your arm while putting on a shirt!

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