We can turn off the Internet now.

I thought there was no possible way to make a good parody of Old Spice’s “The Man Your Man Can Smell Like” ad video. I was mistaken. It appears that the writers of Sesame Street worked it to perfection with Grover — obviously the monster equivalent of Isaiah Mustafa.

I just had to put the original up too.

The greatest kid show of all time + the greatest commercial of all time = Greatest (Something) WIN

Some bonus videos after the jump. Continue reading “We can turn off the Internet now.”

Oh no! Yale kids can’t party!

“Raids on bars are not unusual these days in New Haven, where huge crowds in a cluster of downtown nightspots have lately turned rowdy. But the sweep last weekend has reverberated far beyond Elevate, a second-floor club on Crown Street, angering students and perplexing administrators in the Gothic halls on campus….
Yale deans have urged students to write up accounts of the police action, and sent mental-health counselors to the two residences, Ezra Stiles College and Morse College, that organized the event. On Thursday, a group of students plans to walk to police headquarters with their formal complaints….
The statement said police officers had been trying to “defuse the chaotic situation” in Elevate, which was 58 percent over its legal occupancy — an “egregious violation.” Four students were arrested, and one was cited for under-age drinking.”
(-The New York Times 10/8/10)

This is outrageous. Absolutely outrageous. These low-income students were just trying to have fun in their podunk little town of New Haven, Connecticut. Life dealt them a bad hand, they were just trying to make the best of their hopeless surroundings. Growing up in the tough streets of New Haven means that you’ll spend the rest of your life there. You can have big dreams of going to the big cities, but you know you’ll just be stuck in New Haven going to crappy Yale University.
Continue reading “Oh no! Yale kids can’t party!”

8-Bit Awesomeness by Anamanaguchi

Let me introduce you to Anamanaguchi, probably the greatest chiptune band named Anamanaguchi ever. They’re a New York based band that specializes in music that sounds straight out of a video game. It’s made up of guitarist/songwriter/programmer Peter Berkman, bassist James DeVito, guitarist Ary Warnaar and drummer Luke Silas. The band was formed while they were students at NYU. (Which would make a Fordham Ram like me very upset.)

Continue reading “8-Bit Awesomeness by Anamanaguchi”

United Nations: International Douchebag Convention

All eyes watched as the great leaders of the world descended upon the sleepy little village known to locals as Man-hatt-an for The 65th United Nations General Assembly. The event commenced on September 23, 2010 and concluded the following week. The highlight of early proceedings had been the General Debate, where presentations were given by each of the delegations from around the world. This year’s conference provided foreign dignitaries such as Pres. Barack Obama (USA), Deputy PM Nicholas Clegg (UK), and Pres. Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf (Liberia) the opportunity to give impassioned speeches calling upon all nations to cooperate in order to ensure amiable and peaceful international relations for years to come. However, the UN General Debate also offers a platform for some of the world’s most powerful assholes.
Continue reading “United Nations: International Douchebag Convention”

The monster I created.

Due to my search for higher learning (and a place to find work writing comedy), I’ve left Miami and wound up in Manhattan. I’m officially matriculating at Fordham University, College at Lincoln Center. Which means that I will actually have work to do for the next four years! Which also means that I have to start waking up early in the morning for reasons other than just lounging around. I try to give myself about an hour every morning so that I can eat breakfast and enjoy the view of the Upper West Side. Which brings me to the subject at hand: my new battle with morning coffee. I normally don’t drink coffee, but I figured that college is a good time to develop a caffeine addiction (featuring frequent bathroom trips). And what’s an addiction without crappy drugs? I have no time to make a fresh pot every morning. Nope, I use the instant stuff: Chock Full o’Nuts instant coffee. Continue reading “The monster I created.”

Op-ed: Jesus on the NYC Mosque

I’m really excited and honored to have my good personal friend, Jesus Christ, offer to write a post for PU. I wanted him to write about the advantages of having long hair, but instead, I let him do whatever he wanted. He is the boss after all.

Hey guys, Jesus here. I’m just here to weigh in on the issue of the so-called “Ground Zero Mosque”. Apparently, under the leadership of Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf, plans have been made to construct an Islamic community center (in Park51, Manhattan) containing a mosque, 500-seat auditorium, theater, performing arts center, fitness center, swimming pool, basketball court, childcare area, bookstore, culinary school, food court serving halal dishes, and Islamic prayer space for 2,000 Muslims. First off, that sounds awesome! I’m not even Muslim, and it still sounds like a great place to hang out. I’ve been meaning to get out more, and the YMCA is getting really crowded. And to tell you the truth, I’m getting a little tired of the Y, too much attention. I’d really like to meet new people, and falafel would really hit the spot after a decent pickup game of basketball. But back to the point. There’s a lot of commotion over this thing, and it hasn’t even been built yet.
Continue reading “Op-ed: Jesus on the NYC Mosque”

Fail + Fail = No Fail

I’ve seen single fails. I’ve seen double fails, even triple fails. But I’ve never seen a fail intersect with another fail. Now I have, and now I know that fails can cancel each other out. Mind-blowing stuff.

Revamp our video games. Part 2

Last time, I went over some suggestions on video games for some of America’s biggest pastimes: Baseball, Basketball, and making fat people Football. This time around, I’m offering some ideas for video games for sports that aren’t as popular in America as the Big Three. I think we need to tap these markets if America wants to undeniably dominate sports video gaming.

Soccer is a sport of passion, and to emulate the many emotions of the beautiful game, in-game players will portray the exact mannerisms of their real-life likenesses. From the sluggish roundness of Wayne Rooney to the immature foul mouth of Nicolas Anelka, gamers will finally get to experience their favorite players first hand (and become extremely annoyed shortly after.) Plus, the latest developments in graphics technology now allow players a fuller visual experience of greasy douchebags like Cristiano Ronaldo and… the entire Italian national team. Continue reading “Revamp our video games. Part 2”

The Army totally wants me.

After much consideration, I have decided to join the military. I’ve decided to forgo college life for now so that I may serve my country in the best way possible. Granted, I didn’t graduate from the academies at West Point, Annapolis, or New London. Neither did I receive an MPA from Harvard or Princeton. I don’t have a single award or decoration remotely related to the military. I can’t run two miles in 13min 40 sec. I can’t do 100 sit-ups in 2 minutes. I can’t even do 68 push-ups in 2 minutes. I have absolutely no experience with any kind of advanced weaponry. I can’t survive in armed combat whatsoever. The one time I ever went paintballing, it only took a shot in the forearm to make me quit for the rest of the day. Heck, I’ve never even played Halo, Call of Duty, Counterstrike, Medal of Honor, or even Donkey Kong 64. I’m near-sighted, which I guess will probably be an issue. Plus I probably lack the firm resolve of an actual soldier. So, if anyone is concerned about my decision, they have no need to be. Due to current conditions in US military policy, all the feats and achievements that I’ve previously mentioned might just be unnecessary. Apparently, the one surefire way to stay in the military is to not be gay. That’s right, I have a better chance at serving a longer army career than the actual West Point cadet that actually ran 2 miles in 13:40, did 100 sit-ups in 2 min, and 68 push-ups in the same time. She (that’s right, she) can’t serve because she’s gay, but I’m not. So I guess I can join, right?

Nothing gay here.