Me and the Gold Cup Final

For those of you who don’t know, I’m a big soccer fan/nerd.
For those of you who don’t know, last Sunday was the CONCACAF Gold Cup Final between the US and Mexico. (Yes, it’s taken me a week to get over it.)

Anyway, rather than just sit down and watch the game, I decided to livetweet from my couch.
I thought that it would be fun to offer live commentary on the internets while the US team pummeled Mexico into the ground. Unfortunately, this was not the case. If you look carefully, you might just be able to spot my collapse into the depths of despair. (yeah!)

And the game begins…
3′: What’s with the soft touches Freddy? #goldcupfinal #USMNT
Freddy Adu (Yes, that Freddy Adu) was chosen in the starting XI even though he only played 14 minutes in the last game. Anyhow, he took some criminally soft touches in a crowded midfield, so I decided to get on his case about it, among other things.
Not enough USA fans bought tickets. #goldcupfinal #USMNT
It was a pro-Mexico crowd at the Rose Bowl. I was just annoyed.
8′: (G) Off the shiny head of Michael Bradley! #goldcupfinal #USMNT
Midfield regular Michael Bradley redirected a great corner from Freddy Adu. I wasn’t expecting such an early goal, but I decided not to complain.
11′: Jonny B in for Cherundolo. L’Chaim! L’Chaim? #goldcupfinal #USMNT
Steve Cherundolo, probably the most consistent US player in the tournament, had to be subbed off early because of an injury. So Jonny Bornstein, not the most consistent US player, came on to fill in the left side while starting left back Eric Lichaj deputized for Stevie.
14′: I’ve never been more scared of someone named “Chicharito”. #goldcupfinal #USMNT
As much as I was rooting against him (and as much as I hate Man Utd), I think Javier “Chicharito” Hernandez is a brilliant footballer.
15′: I want Tim Howard to deliver my child. Safe hands. #goldcupfinal #USMNT
Dear El Tri, our center-backs are taller. But if you want to play the long ball, I’m cool with it. #goldcupfinal #USMNT
I’ll taunt the Mexican team all I want — thank you very much.
What the hell are the Mexico fans yelling on goal kicks? #goldcupfinal #unansweredquestions
It sounded like they were yelling “puto”. And since they were yelling this only when Tim Howard took goal kicks, I can imagine them being so rude.
23′: (G) LandyCakes! Like a proverbial boss! #goldcupfinal #USMNT
He wasn’t lighting up the net every game, but Landon Donovan really came through for the US at the right time (or so I thought).
25′: It’s been 7 years, Freddy. Learn to use your right foot. #goldcupfinal #USMNT
Every time Freddy Adu moved, he tried to get that ball on his left side. It might work on a 2nd Div Turkish side, but not the Mexican first team. It was like he was yelling “My right foot sucks!
28′: (G) … Sadly not surprised by Bornstein’s covering. #goldcupfinal #USMNT
Pablo Barrera came in surging from the right side, leaving a sorry-looking Jonny B in his wake.
31′: Marquez is quite the salesman. #goldcupfinal #USMNT
As a New York Red Bulls fan, I think Mexico captain Rafa Marquez is a great player. As a U.S. fan, I love nothing more than to see him sent off. He went down like a jenga tower, and stayed down like an Italian.
36′: (G) $%#%! #goldcupfinal
If there was anything I liked about this goal, it was Chicharito (in an offside position) backing off the ball while it rolled over the line. That was a pro move.
39′: However round it is, you can’t kick Freddy Adu’s head. #goldcupfinal #thatsayellowcard
Freddy Adu went down, and the player behind him tried to clear over him. But viewers at home will notice that he let his leg dangle enough to thwack the back of Freddy’s noggin.
42′: No Salcido. No Marquez. No veteran backline. #goldcupfinal #USMNT
I decided to gloat some more. Sue me.
45’+ : Our backline is killing me. #goldcupfinal #USMNT
50′: (G) “fuckin’ motherfucker!!!” (Mine and Tim Howard’s inner monologue) #goldcupfinal #USMNT
As you can tell, I decided not to censor myself. Neither does our keeper. Howard’s got a cool head on his shoulders. But you can tell when his Tourette’s peeks through.
56′: For God’s sake, put Freddy Adu on the left side! #goldcupfinal #USMNT
I only saw him once on that left flank. And don’t get me wrong. I thought he had a good game— he just annoyed me.
60′: DEUUuuce… #goldcupfinal #USMNT
A great half-volley from Dempsey clanged off the crossbar. I just wanted to show Twitter how quickly I deflated.
62′: I’d rather not see Guardado’s abs. #goldcupfinal
An American boot grazed the back of Andres Guardado. He took the next ten seconds to show us where his imaginary injury was.
67′: Jonny Bornstein – Not bad. Mexican fans – The scourge upon my soul.
I didn’t want this post to be completely negative, so I wanted to point out that Jonny B was involved in some good possession.
75′: Juan Agudelo has played entire with his back towards the Mexican goal. #goldcupfinal #USMNT
Brought in to spice up the attack, Agudelo was powerless with a defender on his back and no one nearby in support. In a related story, he’s only five months younger than me!
77′: (G) Brilliant goal… but son of a bitch… #goldcupfinal
Gio Dos Santos scored with a beautiful chip into the top left corner — and I hate him for it. His Barça credentials don’t help him too much either.
What started as optimistic livetweeting has become a record of my slow descent into frustrating madness. #goldcupfinal
’nuff said…
80′: On a side note, Michael Bradley can really rip on a ball. Two-footed, to boot. #goldcupfinal #USMNT
Losing 4-2 is no excuse to forget that the U.S. has some really great players. I wouldn’t want to be on the other end of a shot from Bradley (either one).
86′: Sacha Kljestan. That is all. #goldcupfinal #USMNT
I like Sacha Kljestan. Just letting you know that. Bonus: He’s also one of only two Americans playing Champions League football next season.
90’+: If Spain lost the World Cup Final, I’d get over it. But this, my friends, is running very, very deep. #goldcupfinal #USMNT
I love the U.S., Spanish, Brazilian, and Japanese national teams. But I can never be español, brasileiro, or 日本人.
Time to avenge this on a video game console. #goldcupfinal #USMNT
I beat Mexico in Pro Evolution Soccer 8-0. I personally scored a hat-trick.

Obviously, I didn’t like how this game turned out. Not only did the U.S. lose, neither did a fairytale ending. However good that seem to be, the U.S. is always battling uphill. They can go 90 minutes toe-to-toe with the world’s best; they can lose games they’re suppose to win. It’s like the Yanks have permanent underdog status, which makes it really fun to root for them. Mexico, on the other hand, ran through this tournament leaving every opponent in their wake. How boring is that?

(If you enjoyed any of this, follow me @nerdwich. Or not, that’s cool too.)

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