Op-ed: Jesus on the NYC Mosque

I’m really excited and honored to have my good personal friend, Jesus Christ, offer to write a post for PU. I wanted him to write about the advantages of having long hair, but instead, I let him do whatever he wanted. He is the boss after all.

Hey guys, Jesus here. I’m just here to weigh in on the issue of the so-called “Ground Zero Mosque”. Apparently, under the leadership of Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf, plans have been made to construct an Islamic community center (in Park51, Manhattan) containing a mosque, 500-seat auditorium, theater, performing arts center, fitness center, swimming pool, basketball court, childcare area, bookstore, culinary school, food court serving halal dishes, and Islamic prayer space for 2,000 Muslims. First off, that sounds awesome! I’m not even Muslim, and it still sounds like a great place to hang out. I’ve been meaning to get out more, and the YMCA is getting really crowded. And to tell you the truth, I’m getting a little tired of the Y, too much attention. I’d really like to meet new people, and falafel would really hit the spot after a decent pickup game of basketball. But back to the point. There’s a lot of commotion over this thing, and it hasn’t even been built yet.

When I first heard that people wanted to stop the building of a mosque in a major city, I thought it was in Paris or Geneva; you know, places where the government really doesn’t like Muslims. But New York City? C’mon, this is America! Don’t you guys have freedom of religion? I mean, your founders put in your First Amendment. Apparently that was the most important thing they wanted US citizens to have. (Then again, their second order of business was guns, and slavery was still around, but that’s pretty good for 1787.) I thought that you guys came along way since then; now it seems like you’re taking three steps back. It’s a little odd that some people think that the Constitution is sacred only when they agree with it. I understand that passions have run high since 9/11, but I can’t understand why every single Muslim has to answer for the actions of 19 douchebags (excuse my mortal). A fair number of Catholics were responsible for the The Crusades and The Inquisition, but you see churches all over the place (especially NYC). And these conservatives! For a bunch of people that use me as their symbol, they have no clue what my teachings were about. (They’re misguided, but I love them.) “Turn the other cheek,” “love your enemies,” “Do to others as you want them to do to you”. I guess they don’t read my stuff that well. I heard Newt Gingrich say that constructing the Park51 Islamic center “would be like putting a Nazi sign next to the Holocaust Museum.” Rush Limbaugh (whose body is actually made completely out of Satan’s dandruff flakes) called the center a “terrorist victory monument”. Did you hear about that church in Florida that planned a 9/11 Qur’an burning? Seriously guys, where’s the love? That’s some hateful stuff. I should know; I was crucified.
I completely understand that there are disagreements over whether or not the community center should be built. But what I see isn’t an actual debate. What I do see are people that equate being a Muslim to being a terrorist. What I do see are people that are lying to sow the seeds of Islamophobia. It’s not a “Ground Zero Mosque,” it’s an Islamic Community Center (with a mosque) that’s two blocks away from Ground Zero. You can’t even see the center from Ground Zero; it’s Manhattan, there are buildings in the way! And why is the area around Ground Zero suddenly “hallowed ground”? Nobody seems to find anything wrong with the sex shops, the strip clubs, the gambling house, the bars, or the souvenir hawkers. But for some reason, a place for people to worship and be together is a threat to society. Well, I guess that’s one thing I like you human beings. You’re all different. Some of you are tolerant and try to live peacefully with one another everyday, and some of you are complete idiots that hate others for being different. Do me a favor, take care of each other. It’s the least you can do. I died for sins, remember? I love you all. I’ll check up on you guys later.

Your pal,
Jesus Christ
Lord and Savior